Caitlin Doughty - Why are you afraid of death
Doughty created a video about common fears of death and how to find comfort in them. The way to get over death is to pinpoint the fear.
One of the common fears of death relates to the fear of regretting experiences or not experiencing certain events. This fear is why I’m scared to die at a young age. Being able to look back on life and remembering experiences I have gone through and thinking about how full my life was is the goal. As silly as it sounds, I want to be able to tell stories of silly times I spent with friends or the moments of impulsivity that creates a story. Knowing that I have roughly 60 years of life to go and that I’ve lived ¼ of my life already, adds to the fear of dying young. In those years to come I know I will experience some great and horrible things but I still want to experience them. Dying young would end the cycle of being able to experience new moments and having stories to tell.
It sounds selfish but I look at every moment has if it could be a story to tell one day. Either it’s embarrassing times, happy moments, or stressful days, they are still moments I want to experience.
Having experienced such moments can aid in giving advice to others about life. Though I still feel discomfort on my fear of death, I have found the topic more comfortable to talk about. I’m curious to talk about other fears of death to other people and curious to see if I ever find full comfort in my fear.
I do not think that is selfish because you can more so look at it in the perspective as that you survived those tough, happy, and sad times. Personally when I hear about stories from my elders that makes me want to be able to speak about what happened throughout my life time. Especially when something maybe funny or bad happens I tend to always think that will be a good story. Having the dear of dying young in the back of your head just helps you to remember that you can't take anything for granted. That every decision made has to be what you want and that there is no time to waste being upset over something or pondering about another thing. To just live life because you never know when the day you pass away will truly come.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you both but would also like to offer my perspective on why this is not a selfish way to live: if when it comes down to interacting with people you are ultimately a kind, thoughtful, prosocial invidivual, or make a genuine effort to be (and because you thought to preface your perspective with 'it sounds selfish but,' I get the impression that you do), if this is the lens through which you process these interactions, I see no issue with it. In fact, it addresses both sides of a point of contention in the Cholbi reading; to be a 'kind, thoughtful, prosocial invidivual, or someone who makes a genuine effort to be these things' is to extend to others the same principles which the Stoics valued--to help them to avoid suffering as you do the same. Addressing the suffering of grief, Cholbi asserted that grief still has value in terms of the narrative of a life. You construct your life philosophy around this concept, every step of the way paying heed to how your decisions will factor into your ultimate life story so that by the time your time is arriving, you will have done right by your fellow man and done it with style. From not only the perspective of philosophical traditions such as existentialism and stoicism, but an artist's or a writer's perspective as well, so long as this philosophy is paired with a genuine effort toward selflessness, I think this is actually a pretty brilliant idea.
DeleteI also do not think that it is selfish to want to live longer than your life will allow, if that is what you mean by this. And the reason why I say this is because this is a natural feeling for some people. I feel the same way! But accepting the impermanence of life is necessary in my opinion. We think we can control things like friends staying with us, relationships, etc. But the truth is that things end, and the only person that you can depend on fully is yourself. We don't know what others will choose to do. I believe in holding your friends and loved ones close, but try not to focus on holding memories and life experiences so close to your heart that if things changed you would lose your life purpose. Your mind is very powerful, and so meditation has helped me work through some of my fears of losing things in my life or not experiencing enough. You just have to let it go.
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